Hello friends,
This Sunday would have been Trevor's 20th Birthday. April 10th, wow, what a day! On April 10th, 1991 my grandmother died after battling with cancer. At the time I was so young that I didn't know how to react. Strangely enough with each passing year I came to miss her more and more. I found myself regretting how little time I had with her, and wishing I could have savored it more. Every year my family and I went out to the cemetery to 'visit' my grandma. It was an emotionally draining day for everyone in my family, but without fail, Trevor was there to make it brighter. As many of you know, April 10th is Trevor's Birthday. No, he didn't go to the cemetery with me, but he always remembered to call and make me laugh and smile. Now, for those of you who remember Trevor, he wasn't that great with dates, but he never forgot his own birthday, so he never forgot to call. Even after our friendship had dwindled I still got that phone call.
I can't explain how he did it, but he always made me laugh, it was one of the very special things about him. He always reminded me to remember the good times I shared with my grandma, and he helped me to get through the day.

"the moving on of a year."
Well, I'm leaning towards the positive. I used to think about the meaning of many people close/not close to Trevor talking about him, and I've come to think it's pretty understood that if people still talk about him, about his impact and all these little things that happened with him, than it must be representative of something beautiful. The important thing is that depth that's part of us with Trevor. For me, it's strange talking about him to anyone, I feel as if it's stops becoming about him and focuses on who's speaking about him. But it doesn't make a difference, as long as there are all these people who are selfless and totally in love with Trevor, which I do think is many, than this dumb deliberation transcends into something much more powerful: what he still is doing to us. People won't stop remembering the funniest kid on earth, or the most compassionate and listening, or creative, or all these other stems which have come through him. For me, after the friendship, it goes into Because of Dee, and how the band is still playing and can play because of him. If you talk to anyone about him, they say their relaltionship with him was unlike anything else, and this "anything else" carries again and again even now. I'm on the positive, after this amount of time, when it is even easier to look at his beauty, we all have such an easy time smiling when he's in our head. And it dances in us.

I came across the page totally on accident. My intro to theater class requires a 5 word/5 minute presentation on an emotionally changing event in my life...and my first thoughts jumped to Trevor...and to how I'd always gotten through my FFI labs with him there, and how tournaments were that much brighter with his jokes and crazy personality that drew people to him, and then to the shocking news that he wasn't here anymore.

I miss Trevor more than I ever thought I would, even if he were alive today and I never saw him again...because it seemed to me that even if I hadn't spoken to him or seen him in months, I would always run into him again at some point...or a friend would bring new of his crazy exploits.

I tell a lot of people about Trevor, and now, I'm about to tell a room full of strangers in five words the impact he's had on me. Seems five words could never do him justice...and I'm still searching for the perfect ones.

I'm sorry about my last entry. That was completely selfish and stupid, not what Trevor would want at all. In perspective, it is beautiful that Trevor was once one body and soul that we all had to share, and is now broken down into a pleasant energy that lives inside of everybody he touched. You all have a part of Trevor inside of you, and he will live forever because of the music, stories, poems, plays, etc that he has inspired. He will live longer then all of us. I am greatly honored to have known such an extroadinary man.

I never got to see Trevor as much as I wanted to. So when he first passed away, I was more numb and shocked then sad. But as each Trevor-less month passes, I miss him more and more. That damned time, who is supposed to alleviate the pain,is making it harder instead of easier. There is not a soul in this galaxy to match that kid. From the first time i met him, I knew I had just met the most incredible person in the world. I;d give up my left leg for another hug and conversation with the brilliant Trevor Dee. I'm going to Israel in 2 days, and I'm taking him with me.

I am finding words useless here. No one will ever hold a candle to Trevor. No one will ever make me laugh with such utter joy. Trevor made people laugh honestly, it was never forced. He lifted peoples spirits. I still laugh out loud when I think about his Dinosaur impression. I lit a candle on 7/30 so I could be reminded of the light that Trevor gave me and still gives me. I love you Trevor. You are always with me.